


What Remains

by MissFantasyLand



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: (I had to), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Don't worry, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Jyn is figuring out a lot of stuff in this, Post-Rogue One, Rebelcaptain - Freeform, Short Story, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, but there is more happier moments, fixit, implied rebelcaptain, long fic, yeah ngl this one is kind of sad in places
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-04-05 17:16:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14049027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissFantasyLand/pseuds/MissFantasyLand
Summary: Jyn Erso awakens from a coma not long after the destruction of the Death Star having walked away from the Battle of Scarif relativity unharmed. Now, she lives in a world of uncertainty, not knowing if any of the other members of the Rogue One Squadron are still alive, including Cassian Andor, and faced with what seems like an almost impossible choice: leave the rebellion or stay and fight.





	1. 2 Weeks and 3 Days After the Battle of Yavin.

**Rebel flagship, Home One, Medical Bay.**

She has to find out what happened from everyone else afterword's; the evacuation from Scarif, the eventual destruction of the Death Star and the medal ceremony. Of course, she wasn't awake for those events.

When Jyn Erso finally wakes up, she's told by medics that she spent the entirety of that time in a coma and that the Death Star was blown up by a one in a million-shot fired by some young pilot. The medal ceremony rewarded him and a few others although Jyn couldn't remember their names. She's also told that herself and everyone else in the battle of Scarif were honoured at the end of the ceremony. One of those people being Bodhi Rook.

Jyn learned that Bodhi was taken off Scarif as soon as possible and was transported to the nearest rebel ship to receive medical treatment. Jyn didn't know what happened to him and what he'd received treatment for but she did know that he was alive, okay and had already been offered a job in the rebellion as a pilot. He accepted and had been sent out on a field mission shortly after. Jyn didn't know where he was and she hadn't seen him since Scarif but she knew he was alright and that thought gave her some peace of mind.

As for herself, Jyn seemed to be recovering well; or so she's told by medics. She knew she was recovering physically, her injuries healing up and bruises disappearing, but Scarif had left her with nightmares that she couldn't get rid of. Mentally, Jyn was far from being okay. The medics said that PTSD was a common side effect that surfaced after someone went through a certain trauma. She'd been given medicine for it but it didn't seem to help that much. Jyn had been through so much hardship in her life that any attempts to help her forget these things were futile and as a result the nightmares plagued Jyn's mind. Every time she closed her eyes she was met with flashes of smoke and a man in white, sounds of blaster fires accompanying them. The strong, smoky smell of burning debris mixed with the salty air of the sea. She could still see the bright emerald light and hear the rumbling of distant thunder. His grip tightening on her...

_Cassian._

Jyn often found herself thinking about Cassian Andor but she wished she didn't as it only caused her more pain. She knew that they had been together when they were extracted from Scarif; it was the last thing Jyn remembered before going into her coma. They were only very faint memories, images that flashed through her mind every now and then but she still remembered them. The memories were blurry and it was as if they moved in slow motion. Jyn had heard muffled shouting and the loud sound of a ship's engine joined by the feeling of being lifted and put down on a cold metallic surface. Cassian was placed next to her completely unconscious. His injuries had been severe and Jyn knew that. She remembered feeling as though she was slipping, drifting in and out of consciousness. Her eyes travelled down to his hand which had been left at his side and with great difficulty Jyn reached out and lightly took his hand in hers.

That's where the memory ended. The next thing she remembered was waking up in the med bay, her body aching and sore. Cassian wasn't there when she woke up and even though she asked the medics over and over again where he was for some reason no one gave her an answer. Eventually she gave up once she realised no one was going to tell her anything. But that didn't stop her mind from wondering.

Ever since she woke up, Jyn had been living in this world of uncertainty, the only member of the Rogue One squadron she'd been told about being Bodhi. The pain came from the trouble of not knowing whether or not Cassian and the others were alive. Jyn listed off their names in her head, visualising their faces as best she could:  _Cassian, Chirrut, Baze_. She had no idea if any of them were alright and it tortured her.

As soon as she had woken up a few days ago she tried to leave her room to go find them but because her legs hadn't been used in weeks she ended up falling to the floor with a crushing blow. Her ribcage had been hurting her since.

Jyn knew she had no choice but to wait. Wait to get better, wait to hear news, wait for anything. She was so confined to her little room that with each passing day she became more impatient. She took the medicine but it didn't calm her even a little bit. Medics came and went checking her vitals and making sure she was recovering accordingly. She hardly talked, only answering the questions the medics asked her about her health. Soon she could start walking properly again and Jyn found herself pacing the length of the room frequently, her mind constantly going through her list of names:  _Cassian, Chirrut, Baze._

Jyn had to know if they were alright. She had to.

Finally, a week after she'd woken up, there was a soft knock at her door. Jyn had been sitting on the edge of her bed but stood up when she heard the door knock. The kind medic with dark eyes and brown curls, the one who had helped her when she fell to the floor after she woke up, was standing in the opening of the doorway. Jyn looked at her expectantly. The last time she was here she'd been kind enough to tell Jyn about Bodhi, but this time all she gave her was a slight smile.

"Jyn," the medic said. "Mon Mothma requests to see you."


	2. What Happens Next?

"When I first met you, Jyn, you were nothing more than a criminal," Mon Mothma stood facing away from her, hands behind her back looking out of the window in her private quarters. She was met with nothing but the blackness of space. "Even though I didn't know you well enough at the time I figured out that you were the type of person who only looked out for yourself. Someone whose only purpose in life was to survive." Mothma paused for a moment, slowly turning around to face Jyn. "And yet, here we are standing on this ship knowing that everyone in the entire rebel fleet owe you their lives."

Jyn's gaze met Mothma's as her eyes travelled up from the floor. Her brows were slightly scrunched up and her mouth closed. She thought best not to say anything until signalled to. "We are indebted to you, Jyn Erso." Mothma said with a heavy sigh of relief.

Jyn didn't respond; she didn't know how to respond. All she did was stare at Mothma, a thousand thoughts racing through her mind:  _Where are the others? Why am I here? Is Cassian alive?_

She still didn't say anything, she just sat in her seat not saying a word. Jyn found it hard to grasp the idea of being thanked, of having hundreds of people be alive because of her and her actions.

_But it wasn't just me._

Mothma looked at Jyn expectantly, obviously this being Jyn's queue to say something but nothing was said. After a short pause, and after it became apparent that she wasn't going to talk, Mothma carried on. Clearly, she wanted to address other things.

"But I didn't summon you here just to thank you," She continued. "You see, after the Battle of Scarif a question made itself clear. That question being: what do we do with you?" Mothma paused before finishing her sentence and when she finished, Jyn looked at her with a confused expression.

She spoke for the first time since she entered the room. "I- I'm not sure I understand." Jyn said with uncertainty.

Mothma let out a small sigh. "Jyn, when we extracted you from Wobani we told you that if you helped us find Saw Gerrera we'd let you go free, and if you didn't we would put you back where we found you. Obviously now sending you back to Wobani isn't exactly an option but your help extended far beyond just helping us find Saw. Which means I have two options for you that will influence what happens next."

This is when Mothma started to move around her desk, hands still behind her back. The whole time Jyn's eyes stayed on her. Mothma carried on speaking.

"Option number 1: We stick to our original deal and we give you a clean ship, supplies, a few credits and you get to disappear. Just like you always wanted. We won't try to contact you or find you. We'll leave you alone and you'll get to live your life however you see fit."

She was right, that is what Jyn originally wanted. To be able to go into hiding and live a life where she wasn't being oppressed or controlled. All she wanted was to be left alone but now she wasn't so sure. Her front teeth bit into her lower lip and then she spoke again. "And what's the second option?"

Without hesitation Mothma immediately replied. "Join us." She said.

This took Jyn by complete surprise and once again a thousand things went through her mind. She could've almost laughed at the statement but instead looked at Mothma incredulously. "What?" She could barely get the words out and they came out in a jumble.

Mothma remained calm despite Jyn's obvious confusion. "You have proved yourself far more than capable, you have the right skills and we can offer you a position here with us. A good position." At this point she lowered her voice and looked to the floor, hands in front of her body. "Look, Jyn, I know that there are things we've done to you that we can't change or fix but we can try to make it better. Starting with this." She looked up from the floor, a somewhat sorrow look on her face.

Jyn knew that Mothma was talking about her father and she also knew that she was right, she couldn't fix it. A small part of Jyn wanted to stand up and shout at her for even trying to apologise when it was her rebellion that caused Galen's death. A few months ago, Jyn would have walked away and not even listen to what Mothma had to say but so much had happened since then that Jyn wasn't sure if she would do the same thing now. And then she saw the look in Mothma's eyes, the look of guilt but also sympathy. It was at that point she could see that she truly was sorry, but Jyn still had conflicted feelings and needed more information.

"What happens if I don't join?" She questioned.

"Then we go with Option 1."

Jyn looked down into her lap where her hands had locked into each other, thumbs twiddling. She was finding it hard to process this information and it was as if Mothma knew this because she interjected after Jyn didn't respond. "I know this is a difficult decision for you to make, Jyn. However, if we don't have an answer in the next few days then I'm told by the council that I have to release you."

Jyn let out a somewhat frustrated sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose, eyes closed. She still had questions. "And what if I can't decide?"

"I don't know," Mothma answered. She was only being honest but even then, her answer frustrated Jyn even more. Jyn let out another sigh lifting her head up and looking to her left, biting her lip again, thinking it over in her head.

"Jyn," Mothma said quietly. Jyn turned her focus back to her. "This is your decision alone. It's one that I can't make it for you, you need to be the one to decide. No one else." And after a short pause she added, "You know what I think you should do."

She did. But that still didn't help with her decision, in fact it seemed to make it more difficult.

Mothma moved from around the front of her desk and sat down on the other side of it. She put her hands on the surface and once again, she looked at Jyn expectantly, a slight smile on her face. "In the meantime, is there anything I can help you with?"

Jyn's expression and demeanour changed immediately, her brow becoming unfurrowed and her head lifting up. All her other thoughts vanished instantly and only one thought took over her mind.

_I have to know._

"Yes." She replied quickly in a way that seemed to take Mothma by surprise. Jyn ignored this and carried on speaking. "Cassian- Captain Andor was evacuated from Scarif the same time as I was but I haven't heard anything about him since I woke up. He- helped me whilst we were in the Citadel tower and I need to know if he made it or not."

Mothma's expression softened, touched by Jyn's concern for a man, who in her mind, she seemed to know very little about. Despite this Mothma gave Jyn a sympathetic look, a look that made Jyn worry. She took a deep breath before replying. "I'm sure you are aware of this already but Captain Andor's injures were extremely severe," she paused for only a moment but to Jyn it felt like days. "However, despite this he managed to hold on. He is alive."

It was as if in that very moment a huge weight had been lifted off of Jyn's shoulders and she couldn't hide her relief nor did she try to.

_Cassian is alive. He's okay. He's alive._

"Can I see him?" Jyn asked without thinking.

Mothma pursed her lips and let out a small sigh, the soft expression still on her face. It then occurred to Jyn that perhaps Mothma didn't have control over things like this and she began to panic internally. She could see Mothma think about Jyn's question for longer than a moment and once again, Jyn began to worry but eventually, with another sigh, she said, "I'll see what I can do."

Jyn smiled for the first time in weeks.


	3. Cassian

The medical bay was quite for the time of day with only one or two medics walking around the halls. One medic, an older woman with black, greying hair, was walking in front of Jyn, leading her down a long corridor to the intensive care section of the med bay. Apparently, this is where they had taken Cassian immediately after Scarif.

Once they had reached the end of the corridor, the medic stopped Jyn. "Just wait here for a second." She said, in a voice that was supposed to sound gentle but instead sounded impatient. Either that was the case or it only sounded that way because Jyn was on edge.

She gave the medic a strained smile as she walked away and folded her arms across her chest. The wait was killing her. Jyn hadn't been told about anything about Cassian's situation so she had no idea what she was walking into. All she had to go on was that he was badly injured and that he was put into an induced coma like she was. What she didn't know was if he was awake or if he was still unconscious and at this point Jyn didn't care.

_I just want to see him._

Jyn closed her eyes for a moment and tried to stay calm until the medic came back and gently put her hand on Jyn's shoulder. "You can see him now." She said, and this time she really did sound gentle.

The medic pointed to a door at the end of a short corridor on Jyn's right. She lowered her arms to her side and stared at the door. Slowly, Jyn began to walk uncertainly towards it, her breathing becoming heavier. When she reached the end of the corridor, her breathing was all she could hear and her heart rate sped up. Jyn looked back at the medic who encouraged her with a nod and with a deep breath she pressed the button on the wall that opened the door…

And there he was.

There he was, lying on a bed in the middle of the room. Still unconscious but alive. 

It was as if Jyn missed a breath. She was overwhelmed by the sight as she walked further into the space, hearing the door close behind her. It was as if the whole world became blocked out and all Jyn could focus on was what was in front of her. Her brow scrunched up and her breathing quickened as she moved closer. Jyn made her way around to the side of Cassian's bed and for the first time in weeks she saw his face.

He almost looked peaceful. Almost. She could see the scars on his face and the bruises but they were faint, having healed up over the past few weeks. Remnants of that grave expression he had the first time Jyn met him was still visible. As were the pleasant crinkles around his eyes.

Jyn didn't do anything, she just stood there staring at Cassian's face. The face of the man who had, despite having not known her for that long at the time, saved her when the desert world of Jedha crumbled around her. The man who helped her back into reality when she was unable to leave her father's body on Eadu. The man who had survived a blaster wound and a violent fall who then saved her at the top of the Citadel Tower. Every time he came back for her even though he didn't have to and every time he risked his life to do so. Jyn couldn't remember the last time someone had gone through hell and back to save her. It touched her in ways she couldn't describe and she didn't know how or if she would be ever able to tell him how thankful she was for the fact that he never gave up on her, even in the times when he could of and maybe should've done.

She sat down in a chair that was placed next to his bed and even then, didn't do anything. Jyn almost felt guilty, like it was her fault that he was in the current state he was in. She also felt helpless because she couldn't do anything about it. Tears began to form in Jyn's eyes as a sudden swell of emotion formed inside of her. Instinctively and without thinking, she took Cassian's hand in hers.

"I'm sorry," She whispered under her breath. Jyn didn't know if he could hear her not and there was no way to tell but she felt like she needed to speak.

"I'm sorry that this happened to you and I'm sorry that I dragged you into all of this mess. You're only here like this because of me. Because you risked your life to help me, to help the Rebellion. You stupid man," Jyn laughed slightly, tightening her grip on Cassian's hand. A few tears fell down her face as she paused for a moment, looking to the floor. "I don't know why you did all those things just to help me, why you risked your life to save mine. I might never know. And I don't even know if you can hear me but I am so grateful for the fact that you never gave up on me, not once and I can't thank you enough for that." Jyn let out a deep breath and, with her hand still holding Cassian's, she leaned down and closed her eyes tightly shut, gently placing her head on his chest.

Jyn could've stayed there like that for hours, maybe even days. Even though Cassian wasn't awake he was still there and Jyn took comfort in the fact that maybe, just maybe, he could hear her. She blocked out the world and in that moment only focused on his steady, if somewhat slightly unsteady, breathing. How his chest slowly rose and fell and how safe she felt there with him.

The whole time she was in that room she never let go of his hand.


	4. An Old Friend

Sometime later, Jyn found herself sitting in one of the main hangars of the ship. Things were relatively calm which made it a good place for her to sit in silence and just think.

She sat leaning forward with both hands in front of her mouth, her face scrunched up into a thoughtful expression. Every now and then someone walked past her but they paid no attention to Jyn, neither did she pay attention to them. She was in her own world, thinking about everything that had happened and the options that had been laid out before her.

Two options, one choice.  _Then why is it so difficult to make that choice?_

Jyn was trapped between two recurring thoughts: whether she should leave the Rebellion and go into hiding or if she should stay and fight. She remembered Mon Mothma's words:  _"You know what I think you should do."_

Of course, she knew, but Jyn couldn't decide whether or not she wanted to stay. For as long as she could remember, all Jyn wanted was to disappear but a cloud of scepticism was hanging over her and given everything she had gone through she was beginning to think that leaving wasn't the best thing for her. It was like she was two people, with one half of her telling her to leave but the other half telling her to stay. She tried to reason within her mind but still she couldn't come to a decision. All she could think about was the few days she had to buy her some time and think things over.

Jyn let out a deep breath and covered her face with her hands. She just needed to stop for a while, calm down. She began to let her mind wonder when a voice approached her.

"You look like you've seen better days."

Moving her hands from her face, Jyn looked up at the person the voice belonged to. To her utter and complete surprise, Bodhi Rook was standing a few feet away from her. He was wearing an orange Rebellion flight suit that had definitely been worn for a while and his hair was tied up with a makeshift tie made out of a piece of electrical wire. A slight smile was on his face and Jyn noticed a long, thin scar going from the bridge of his nose to the left side of his face.

Jyn continued to stare at him and then finally managed to get her words out.

"Bodhi." She said with relief as she stood up, walked straight over to him and hugged him. She could tell Bodhi was a little shocked by this action but eventually he returned the hug. Jyn was more than happy to see him.

 

* * *

 

"That was the plan," Bodhi told Jyn as they sat in the same hangar she had been sitting in moments before.

"After I got the message through that we were stuck on Scarif the plan was to take the ship, get you, Cassian, anyone I could and get off world as quickly as possible," He turned to Jyn. "But right after the message sent through a, uh, grenade was thrown into the ship. I managed to get out before it blew but the explosion knocked me unconscious. When I woke up I was in the med bay. I made it out. Well most of me anyway." He finished with a slight laugh.

Bodhi then leaned down and pulled the right leg of his flight suit up. It revealed a mechanical replacement indicating he lost his actual leg in the explosion. Jyn started at it with pained intent and it was if Bodhi saw this as he quickly pulled down the trouser leg, covering his leg up once more.

"But it's okay, though. You get used to it after a while." He said with a shrug.

Jyn smiled but knew that the look of hurt in her eyes was still there as she couldn't help but feel that it was her fault. She tried to distract herself from the guilt of Bodhi losing his leg and instead questioned him further about the aftermath of Scarif. Jyn put her hands together in her lap. "So, uh, what happened after you woke up?"

"Well, I recovered. And once I had they offered me a place here, as a pilot. I accepted and they sent me out on my first field mission shortly after the medal ceremony on Yavin. I got back late yesterday evening," Bodhi turned to face Jyn. "What about you? What happened after Scarif?"

Jyn took in a deep breath as this was the first time she'd openly talked about those events to anyone since they had taken place. The only time she spent even thinking about Scarif was when the nightmares about it refused to leave her alone. She silently pulled herself together and managed to speak. "Me and Cassian were evacuated together. I was in a coma for a few weeks but I woke up a few days ago."

"What about Cassian? Is he okay?" Bodhi questioned.

"He's alive but he's still in a coma," She paused. "I don't know what's going to happen to him." Jyn answered honestly, although it was difficult not to get emotional as she did.

Bodhi looked at Jyn expectantly. "And Kay-Tu? Is he alright as well?"

_K2-SO_. Jyn hadn't heard anyone mention that name since Scarif, she herself had hardly thought about him but as soon as Bodhi mentioned it she was suddenly reliving the moment K2 locked the door of the data vault and his voice was cut off the com-link. The look on Cassian's face as he realised his friend was gone was all too clear in Jyn's mind. A sharp, stabbing sensation arose in her chest as she remembered and that same feeling of guilt was there too. She realised that she had yet to answer Bodhi and after a long silence she spoke. "He was destroyed protecting me and Cassian in the data vault. It was too late to recover him before the base was wiped out. He's gone." She said the last words quietly as though it hurt her to say.

Bodhi's shoulders sagged slightly in disappointment as if he was expecting to hear that K2 was still alive and this disappointment was clearly shown on his face. He ran his hand over his head trying to come to terms with this news. "I'm sorry." He piped up, his hand falling into his lap.

Jyn shook her head, "It's fine." It clearly wasn't but there was nothing else to be said nor did Jyn want to talk about it any longer than she had to. Then she remembered.

Bodhi had been in the same group as Chirrut and Baze whilst on Scarif. If anyone knew what happened to them, it would be him. "Bodhi?" She didn't look at him as she spoke. "What happened to Chirrut and Baze?"

When he didn't answer immediately, Jyn shifted her gaze from the floor of the hangar but was only met with a look of grief. She didn't need to listen to Bodhi's answer to know what it was and even though he had started talking she turned away from him, closed her eyes and tried to stop the tears from falling.

"It- it was an explosion. Chirrut was the one who activated the master switch which allowed me to get my message through. Baze ran out after him but both died shortly after," A steady stream of tears were now pushing through Jyn's closed eye lids as she listened. Bodhi continued. "Somehow, I take comfort in knowing that at least they were together when they died."

Jyn nodded in agreement as she looked at Bodhi. Although the news of their deaths only served as another emotional blow she could only be grateful for the fact that at least they had each other in their final moments. "Yeah. Me too." She gave a weak smile.

There was another round of silence between Bodhi and Jyn as though they were both coming to terms with the news that K2, Chirrut and Baze had perished in the battle. This silence carried on for a few more moments until Jyn heard Bodhi breathe out loudly. She turned her attention to him.

"This might sound stupid and I know that but, even though I hadn't known them for a long time everything we went through together, everything," Bodhi stopped himself as his voice broke and tears formed in his eyes. He took a deep breath before continuing. "After all of that, they still felt like family."

"No, it doesn't sound stupid at all," Jyn put her hand on Bodhi's shoulder as a sign of reassurance. "I feel the same way."

Bodhi composed himself and smiled at Jyn. She figured it comforted him in knowing that how he felt was a shared feeling between the two. As far as Jyn was concerned he was right, they did feel like family. She reminded herself of the way Chirrut reached out to her after her father died and Baze's reassurance before Scarif.  _"Good luck, little sister_." Towards the end it even seemed K2 had warmed up to her.

The fact they all gave their own lives to fulfil her father's dying wish meant the world to Jyn and although she never voiced this thought at the time she never forgot what they did for her and nor would she. She couldn't. Bodhi, the others,  _Cassian,_  everything they did would stay with her no matter what.

Again. Again, she found herself thinking about him. Again, Cassian dominated her thinking. Jyn couldn't explain why he invaded her mind and thoughts but all she could concentrate on in that moment was the sudden feeling of dread and fear that rose in her stomach. She sharply inhaled as though someone had just knocked her down and she saw in the corner of her eye Bodhi turn to her in concern.

As a lump formed in Jyn's throat, she balled her fists and her knuckles went white from the pressure. "Bodhi?" She said cautiously as though she knew what she was about to say next would hurt. "Bodhi, what if- what if Cassian dies?"

Bodhi's brow scrunched up in a sorrowful expression. "He won't." He said, determinedly.

"But what if he does? I don't know if I could handle it. I can't lose anyone else." Jyn put her head in her hands as she tried to keep it together.

Bodhi could do nothing except sit quietly, looking at Jyn. He knew her pain; he knew that losing Cassian as well as the others would destroy her. He himself would find it difficult if another life was lost, especially Cassian's since they had worked together and were a part of that same family that came from the Rogue One Squadron.

But somehow Bodhi knew. He knew that how Jyn felt about Cassian was different to how he, and perhaps everyone in the entire rebel fleet felt. He could see it in her eyes that what she was feeling was something different entirely, even if she couldn't see it herself. It was something deeper than friendship and spanned far beyond a familial connection.

"You care about him. Don't you?" Bodhi asked, almost without thinking.

Jyn turned to him with a slightly offended look on her face. "Of course, I do, I care about all of you." She answered, clearly referring to Bodhi, Chirrut, Baze and K2.

Bodhi shook his head. "No. It's different with him."

"How?"

"Because you see yourself in him. And he sees himself in you," Jyn stopped in her tracks instantly after Bodhi said this. She was half expecting him to turn around and say he wasn't being serious but all she could see was a stern look spread across his features.

"Look, as much as I wish I did I don't actually know that much about your lives but I can tell from the look in your eyes that you've both lost so much. That's your greatest similarity but also your greatest difference. You had people to lose, he didn't. That's why you see yourself in him and he sees himself in you. It's what brings you together and it's what makes you bring out the best in each other. You taught Cassian to be selfish and that sometimes blindly following orders isn't always the best thing and in return he taught you to be selfless, to be a part of something greater than yourself."

The whole time Bodhi was speaking Jyn did nothing but stare, her brow scrunched up. She had no idea what prompted Bodhi to say any of this and she didn't know that this is how he saw her relationship with Cassian. She didn't know this was how she felt until Bodhi said it out loud but hearing it made her afraid. Jyn didn't have time to interject though because Bodhi hadn't finished talking.

He gave a slight nod. "Then there's everything you went through on Scarif-"

This is where Jyn cut him off. "We all went through Scarif."

"But you went through it together," Bodhi replied, with an unexpected force. "So as much you might not like to admit it, you care about him, in a way that's different to how you care about me or anyone else."

Jyn couldn't think of a way to respond. She thought about denying Bodhi's words, insisting that he had got it all wrong but she couldn't. She couldn't lie to herself anymore. Jyn closed her eyes momentarily. "You don't think I haven't noticed? You don't think I know? Bodhi, there's a reason why I was alone for so long. It's because of things like this," She said, referring to Cassian. She didn't say it but she knew Bodhi understood what she was talking about. Jyn breathed out deeply. "I can feel myself falling and I can't stop it. But I can't let it happen either."

Bodhi paused. "They offered you a place here, didn't they? The alliance?" He asked.

Jyn nodded. "Yes. They did."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know." Jyn didn't mean to snap at Bodhi but she felt herself getting more agitated every second. How could she tell him what her plan was when she didn't even know herself?

"Well, if this is what you want why can't you just take it?" Bodhi questioned.

"Because I can't afford to think like that, Bodhi!" Jyn snapped, "Everyone I ever cared about either left me or died. If I stay I'm only making myself more vulnerable. I can't lose anyone else."

Bodhi moved back slightly in shock. Jyn could've apologised for her harsh tone but she stayed silent. Bodhi pursed his lips and spoke in a low voice. "Jyn, the whole damn galaxy may be bleak, but that doesn't mean that  _we're_  not allowed to be happy. If  _this_  is what you want then stay."

Jyn knew that he wasn't just talking about the cause, she knew he was talking about Cassian as well and although Jyn agreed with Bodhi on that front she still wasn't convinced overall.

"Think about Galen. This is what he wanted for you," Bodhi spoke up, raising his right arm and gesturing to the hangar filled with ships and people. Rebels. "If he didn't why would he have left that message? Why would he have trusted you to go to Scarif? It's because he wanted you to be here, making a difference. If you won't stay for yourself at least stay for him."

As soon as Bodhi finished speaking his com-link started beeping indicating that someone was trying to contact him. It was another call to action. He reached into the pocket of his flight suit and switched off the beeping noise. Jyn watched as Bodhi stood up off of the cargo crates they had been sitting on. He smiled gently at her.

"Jyn, I have to go but just know that I'm happy you're okay. I hope to see you again."

She knew what he really meant by that. The look on his face gave it away _. I hope you decide to stay._  But he didn't say this. Instead he gave Jyn a slight nod and he walked away from her, off into the hangar. She watched him go, everything he said racing through her mind.

Jyn still had a lot to think about.


	5. Late Night Musings

That evening, Jyn couldn't sleep. She was still sanctioned a room in the med bay but was told she would be moved to a proper room soon as she had fully recovered. Well, according to the medics she had anyway.

Jyn lay in her bed wide awake, staring at the ceiling as though it was the most interesting thing she'd ever seen. Her meeting with Bodhi was the only thing she'd thought about all day and a thousand thought thoughts raced through her mind. He had made some valid points about herself, her feelings towards Cassian and about her father also. Jyn hadn't thought about what Galen might have said to her had he still been here. She had been apart from him for so long she didn't know if she could even guess what he what he would've said. But then she remembered the message she saw on Jedha. Even though he hadn't seen her since Jyn was a little girl he had still entrusted her to go to Scarif to get the Death Star plans, he still believed in her after all these years they'd spent apart.

_His stardust._

No, she couldn't think about this now. It was too late and Jyn had been through so much today. All she needed to do was stop. If she didn't take a breather she thought she might have broken down crying then and there; today had been emotionally draining. She had to go somewhere we she could just shut down for a while.

Jyn knew where to go.

Slowly, she pulled back the covers of her bed and got up. When she opened the door to her room she carefully walked out, making sure no one saw her. It wasn't too difficult as no one was really walking the corridors this late at night. Jyn knew that the room she was looking for wasn't too far from her own and she did her best to recall the same steps she took earlier that day.

Once she'd reached the intensive care unit she remembered where to go.  _Turn right and go right down the corridor._  Jyn walked to the end of the hallway and pushed the button on the wall that opened the door. She felt an instant wave of relief as she saw Cassian was still there in his room, lying unconscious.

It was silent except for the slight beeping of his heart monitor and the closing of the door behind her. Jyn walked over to the left side of his bed and sat down on the mattress. She did nothing except look at him, breathing in and out slowly.

Tentatively, she reached out and lightly grazed one his scars, one directly underneath his cheekbone, with her hand and then gently cupped his cheek. With just a little hesitation, Jyn lifted her legs onto the bed and placed her body right next to his, her head lying in the crook of his neck. She closed her eyes and felt her muscles relax as eventually her tiredness got the better of her and the need to sleep took over her body.

This moment right now was the only thing Jyn could think about. It was the only thing she  _wanted_  to think about. She concentrated on nothing except her breathing and how calming it was to be there with Cassian in what seemed like a single, perfect moment. 


	6. If This Is What You Want, Then Stay.

Over the next few days, Jyn went through the motions, the decision she knew she would eventually have to make hanging over her almost tauntingly.

She hadn't spoken to Mon Mothma since they talked almost a week ago but she was sure that her opinion on the matter hadn't changed. Jyn also guessed that Bodhi's opinion hadn't changed either. This didn't help and Jyn found herself secretly wishing they would so she had an excuse to leave. Her whole being told her that leaving was what was best but there was a small part of her that told her to stay. That part of her got bigger and bigger with each passing day and it went against everything Jyn had ever known.

Don't get attached, that was her one rule. And she'd broken it.

Loneliness used to be Jyn's comfort. It was what kept her safe and now she found herself wishing she were anything but lonely. In some ways, it scared her. The idea of being attached to someone, of being open, frightened Jyn. When you've been alone for as long as she had the whole idea of caring about people turns into a foreign concept and one that becomes quite difficult to deal with. When those feelings began to creep in, Jyn's initial reaction was to cut them out, stop them from getting stronger but now she was faced with a situation where she was too late and those feelings had already embedded themselves with no way of getting rid of them. At this point it wasn't just Cassian she was concerned about, it was Bodhi too, perhaps the entire Rebel fleet.

Jyn hadn't been a part of something that important for so long. She hadn't been around people for so long either and she didn't realise how comforting she found it, to be making a difference. To be around people, real people. For the first time in a long time, she was happy and despite the losses she'd suffered she knew that it was better to go through the resulting heartbreak together than to face it alone _._

_If **this**  is what you want, then stay._

In that moment, Jyn knew. She knew what she wanted to do.


	7. Sergeant Erso

Mon Mothma had summoned Jyn to her quarters early that day.

As she was escorted down the corridor, Jyn knew she could walk into that room confident that she was making the right choice.

Mothma was already standing in front of her desk when Jyn entered the room. She had an almost hopeful look on her face and Jyn knew what Mothma hoped her answer would be. Jyn didn't sit in the chair that was placed in the middle of the room, she stood her ground. The rebel escort gave a curt bow to Mothma and quickly left, leaving the two women alone.

Neither of them said anything for a moment until Mothma sighed, hands in front of her body, white robes long enough that they pooled around her feet. She looked calm and authoritative but this didn't intimidate Jyn or make her nervous as it might have done a few months ago. Instead Jyn returned this stance with her chin held high and her shoulders pinned back.

"Jyn," Mothma spoke, breaking the silence. "It's time. I trust you have made your decision?"

Jyn only gave a slight nod and Mothma looked at her expectantly. She still didn't respond. Jyn pursed her lips and glanced to the floor, the words she wanted to say still forming in her head. Her eyes flicked back up to Mothma who was still waiting for her response.

"Yes. I have," Jyn paused, taking a breath before she continued. Thoughts of Galen, Cassian, Bodhi and the rest of the Rogue One Squadron gathered in her mind. "I've spent most of my life by myself and it's taken me the past couple of days to realise that I don't want to be alone anymore. My father, he gave his life for this cause and I firmly believe that, if he were still here, he'd want me to stay." There was another pause. "Which is why I'm going to accept your offer. I'm going to stay. I'm going to fight." Jyn finished.

Mothma didn't try to hide her joy and face instantly lit up, a smile forming. "Well, I'm very glad to hear that." She said as she moved around the room to her desk. She picked up a data pad off its surface and leaned over to hand it to Jyn.

Jyn took it in her hands with and looked at it. She looked back at Mothma who only gave her an encouraging smile. Looking back at the blank screen of the data pad, Jyn hesitantly tapped her thumb on the screen. The data pad flickered to life.

"Welcome to the Rebellion, Sergeant Erso." Jyn heard Mothma say. She didn't see her face but could hear the contentment in her voice.

_Sergeant Erso._ Jyn could've laughed at the very idea of it as she looked at the title that had appeared on the screen. She moved her eyes up to face Mothma. "What happens now?" She asked.

Mothma began to walk around to the front of her desk. "Now, we take action. You'll be sent out on your first field mission tomorrow. After all, there's no time to waste." Mothma stood in front of Jyn.

"I'm really happy you decided to stay. I know you can do some good here." She said with a certain sincerity. Gently, in an almost comforting way, Mothma placed her hand on Jyn's shoulder and gave her a warm smile.

Jyn nodded as a sudden feeling of determination rose in her. She felt as though her life had purpose once again; something she had not felt since Scarif. Jyn had now officially been enlisted into the ranks of the rebellion and she couldn't have felt more relived as the pressure of making that decision was finally lifted from her shoulders.

There was only one thought that went through her mind: _Your father would have been of been proud of you, Jyn._

And in that moment, she truly believed that he would've been.


	8. Final Goodbyes

Jyn didn't have long. She knew that in the next twenty minutes she would be sent out on her first field mission with a group to try and seek out planets for a new rebel base. She had no idea how long she'd be gone for but she was hopeful that she'd return within the next week or so.

This hope, however, didn't stop her from worrying that she'd be gone longer than that and this worry is what drove her to the med-bay's intensive care unit, where she knew Cassian would still be there. She had gone to his room so frequently that at this point the medics didn't even try and stop her from seeing him as they knew what those visits meant to her. Over the past week Jyn had spent a much time as she was allowed by his side, a part of her hoping that he might wake up. However, she knew that the possibility of that happening was unlikely but she still never let go of that small piece of hope.

_Sixteen minutes_

Jyn stood next to Cassian's bed, her hand placed gently over his. Her eyes studied his face as if she was scared she was suddenly going to forget it. She bit her lip then opened her mouth to speak. "I don't know if I'm going to be here when you wake up. I couldn't tell you how long I'll be gone even if I wanted to," Jyn paused, biting her lip again.

_Twelve minutes._

"Who knows?  _You_  might not even be here when I get back. But, I hope that I see you again soon because I really miss you and I didn't realise how much I did until now."

_Nine minutes._

"This universe, it's a big place but despite that, I know we'll find each other in it again. I believe that." And with that Jyn leaned down, her hand still holding Cassian's. She softly kissed his forehead and rested her head there for a moment. It was only a minute but to Jyn it felt like years.

Now it really was time to go and finally Jyn straightened up and cupped Cassian's cheek one last time. A sorrowful smile appeared on her face as she pulled her hand away and started to exit the room. She made her way to the main hangar of the ship from the med bay and found her designated cruiser almost instantly.

As Jyn took her seat in the main compartment of the cruiser, she looked out the viewport that was next to her. After a few more minutes she felt the ship's engine come alive and soon the blackness of the stars slipped into the electric blue of hyperspace.

Jyn stared out of the viewport, watching the blue fly by in a blur. She reached for the kyber crystal necklace that hung around her neck, the one her mother had given her all those years ago; she couldn't have been more grateful that it was not lost to the battle of Scarif.

Jyn gazed at it as she felt it in between her finger tips, feeling the engraved lettering on the side.  _Trust the Force,_ it said. Her mother had said those exact words to her when she said goodbye. Jyn didn't understand what it had meant at the time but now she felt as though she could guess what her mother had been trying to tell her, what the necklace represented.

The Force was said to connect everything in the universe together. If that was its purpose then maybe that's what bought Jyn to the Rebellion in the first place and maybe it was what would guide her way back home.

Jyn could only hope it would but that piece of hope, the hope that burned inside of her like fire, was as strong as ever and Jyn held on it, keeping it with her always.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Boy, this has been a long time coming. I have been working on this fic since August 2017 and finally finished it in March of 2018 so it took a while but I made it! For those of you who have already read this fic you might notice now how I've split it up into chapters to make it a more smoother read (whatever that means lmao) Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed it and don't forget to give it some love!


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